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I always struggle with this balance of what it means to be a woman. So often I have identified myself with the man in my life, the position I have held on my job... the kind of sister, friend, or daughter I am. But now, having reached what I feel is the half way point in my life, I'm called upon to be more reflective, to be more introspective, to ask myself... "just what kind of women do I want to be?"
I've had some ups and I've had some downs. I've learned the lesson of self-love, self-expression, and self-esteem the hard way. I have had great loves and I have lost what I thought was the love of my life (turns out he was just a great love of a particular season in my life). While I've been able to peel back the layers of my soul to get to who I am as a Child of God, I still struggle with who I am as this female energy called "woman". Am I to be this strong, go get ‘em woman that my job calls for… while I'm out in the world… "on the grind”… “makin’ that paper”. While I do that... can I also be vulnerable and open up to all parts of my myself in an intimate relationship with someone who I hold dear and who I desperately need to be the caretaker of my heart? Will one soul energy source of dominance or submission surpass or overshadow the other?
I struggle with this push and pull of the masculine and feminine energy every day. It is the Ying and the Yang of me. When I am centered, focused, and bathed in Christ Consciousness I am in perfect balance with these two energies. When I am off, even if only by a little bit, one or more of the opposite polarities that make up the human psyche throw me for a loop. In these moments I pray and meditate. I turn within and ask the Creator to bring me back to the center… to allow me to focus… to allow me rise to my higher self… but it is a struggle.
I strive to experience unconditional love, without judgment, and without conviction. As I do, I understand the road to unconditional love and non-judgment is paved with a path called forgiveness. In this moment I forgive all who I have perceived having done me wrong me and I forgive myself for being so hard on a yearning soul that simply wants to be free.
These are my struggles... what are yours? How can love and forgiveness help you to overcome them?
The forgiveness of others and the forgiveness of ones self are two things that at the beginning of my life I struggled with but now don't struggle with at all. It is often difficult when you are hard on yourself and therefore demand that others hold themselves accountable as well. The reality is that most people don't enjoy accountability because they don't enjoy being a part of the solution to their own problems.
ReplyDeleteIn the time I have known you, you have always possessed the power of a woman who from my sight is STRONG, DETERMINED, and ON A MISSION to help others BUT not without first helping yourself. This is key. This is why I love you so much!
I recently have struggled with being what I consider "screwed over" by those who I have known for a long time - BUT I know that God is in control of ALL. This helps me to forgive those who know NOT who I AM and WHOSE I AM.
I am proud to call you "friend". Reading this has INSPIRED me today. I thank you for that.
Dawn The SEQ :)