If we've learned nothing over this past week, let us remember that the ever present now is the most precious gift of all!

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Tomorrow is not promised. Today is a gift. Live, laugh, love, forgive and enjoy!

Michael Jackson: A little girl's crush... a woman's love

Every woman remembers her first crush.  Mine was on Michael Jackson.  I can trace my love for Michael to the diary I started in fourth grade.  My epic tale was titled “My Life So Far” - as far as a life could be at that age- and the second sentence reads: “I love, love, love, a boy named Michael Jackson in the group the Jackson Five.” So began my love affair with this young, talented, Black boy with the big Afro and bigger smile who could sing and dance so well my little girl heart would melt.

I begged my Father to take me to see the Jackson Five when they came to Philadelphia. My Dad, a man I loved more than words can ever adequately describe, always wanted to please his baby girl. So, Daddy took me to see the Jackson Five in an over crowed concert hall in Philly. Because I was so short I couldn’t see the stage and had a panic attack. My Dad - being the best Daddy ever- picked me up, put me on his shoulders and let me watch the entire show above the crowd where my love for Michael Jackson grew and grew. Poor Daddy.  Here he was looking at the back of some other parent’s head, listening to music he could care less about, surrounded by screaming little girls. Dad is in heaven right now laughing about, that I’m sure!

As the Jackson Five albums were released, I got them hot off the presses. I sang to each song and knew every single word. Daddy soon got me a subscription to Right On! Magazine. I soaked up everything written about my favorite singer and my favorite group. I’d cut out Michael’s photos from the magazine and make beautiful, colorful, collages that were plastered all over my bedroom wall. Every little Black girl finally had a little Black boy to fantasize about.  It was wonderful. Well, we thought it was.  The brothas in my class didn’t like it one bit. They were hatin’ on the J-5 something awful. “He ain’t all that”, Todd would say. “My ‘fro is better than his”, you would hear Edsel whisper. “He can’t even sing", Edwin lied. I paid those silly little boys no mind. “I’m going to marry Michael Jackson one day”, I said to myself… and I meant it.

In grade school we would have arguments about which member of the Jackson Five were more deserving of our love. Little brown girls, sitting around the lunch table... getting in heated debates about these boys who we never met, who lived across the country, who didn’t even know we were alive. I must admit, there was a short period of time when I thought I was in love with Marlon Jackson (that boy could dance), BUT my heart belonged to Michael.  Soon I came to my senses and went back to the little Black boy with the big Afro, big smile and even bigger voice who originally stole my heart.

I can remember like it was yesterday the first time the Jackson Five were on Soul Train. I was playing outside with my friends and someone yelled “it’s time for the Jackson Five on TV! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.” We scattered in all directions trying to make it to the TV in time. There were no DVD or even VHS recorders at that time and no one could have even imagined TiVo or On Demand. If you missed the live show, you missed The Jackson Five and I was NOT about to miss my heartthrob. I also remember when I got the ABC album that opened up to reveal private photos of the Jackson Five. I looked over each photo at least a thousand times trying to get a good look into his personal life. I was looking for some clue to tell me something about this little boy I was so infatuated with.

My fondest memory was when I was getting ready for my very first play. I was all dressed up in my costume and had on red lipstick… thinking I was grown. I was walking out the door, stopped in my tracks and then ran back into the living room, grabbed the “I Want You Back” album and kissed it for good luck. I still have that album and the lipstick stain is still there. It’s not worth anything to anyone but me. The album cover is so worn out that it’s being held together by staples. The LP itself is so worn you can’t hear the background singers anymore. It would be decades later before I even knew Jermaine was singing background on the “I Want You Back” single... this only after hearing a digitally mastered copy of the song.

Fast forward to college. One of my ex-boyfriends who to this day is a very good friend of mine, reminded me just last night, that as an eighteen/nineteen year old young woman I told him I was going to marry Michael Jackson. Can you imagine? He thought, “either this girl is delusional” or “you know, she might just marry him.” See, at that time Michael had not blown up yet and the possibility I could be Mrs. Michael Jackson still remained an option. The Up Against The Wall album was just about to drop. When it did, it was over… Michael was on his way to being a superstar. By the time Thriller came out I was working at BET. By then I knew I wasn’t going to marry Michael but I’d be telling a big fat lie if I didn’t think getting a job with BET would give me access to him. I wasn’t completely wrong. BET allowed me to get tickets to his concert with The Jacksons. After many years I even got a chance to meet Michael Jackson but by then he was no longer the person I was once infatuated with. By the time I met Michael he was slipping away from us. He was a major superstar. He was an icon. He was untouchable. He was the King of Pop. He was strange.

I defended Michael and his antics for years, decades even. I stopped defending him after his trial. I had lost my infatuation. It was replaced with frustration, questions, accusations, and finally indifference. I didn’t even purchase his last CD. I laughed at jokes made about him. I turned my back on him. But now that he is gone I can only remember the love I felt for him. I can only remember how much joy he gave me. I can only remember what a great singer, dancer, performer and artist he was.

Michael Jackson, you were my first love. I am broken hearted that you have left us. I know you are at peace now... a peace you couldn't find on earth. In my mind, you are still that little Black boy with the big Afro, big smile, and apple hat on. Or, you are the young man in the video wearing a sliver outfit living off the wall. You left us with an incredible catalog of music. You left me with a boy to swoon over... my first crush... and my first love. Maybe that’s why I never married. I was waiting for the little Black boy with the big Afro and big smile to come propose to me. That won’t happen now but I love you, Michael Jackson.  I always will. 

Say “Hi” to my Dad and let him tell you about the concert he took me to. You two will like each other. It makes me feel good knowing my two greatest loves are together now. I still have some living to do but in soon enough “I’ll Be There" with you both.

Wise words to live by

Love this and thought I'd share. It's written by columnist Regina Brett, 50 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 50 (in 2008), so here is the column once more":

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
    
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves!

Live, love, laugh, forgive, pray, remember to dream BIG... and repeat often!

Tomorrow is NOT promised, love, forgive, enjoy, laugh, NOW. You may not get another chance!

Your personal missions statement should support the dreams you have for yourself!

Maxwell Maltz wrote it takes 21 days 2 create a habit. Will u take a 21 day "Dream Big Challenge" with me? http://bit.ly/Z242e

You Cant Give What You Never Had

One of my favorite sayings is "you attract that which you are". But how can you attract your greatness if you aren't at your best? How can my partner see my greatness if he don’t recognize his own? How will my mate support my dreams if his dreams aren't realized? If like attracts like and you're not at your best or I'm not at mine... yet I am attracted you... than what does that say about me? What does that say about you? If I wasn't vibrating high I... I will attract someone who is acting low. If I'm not feeling good about me... surely I will attract someone who is ALSO not feeling me. So I have to be at my BEST, treat myself well, love my dirty draws and honor myself if I expect you to do the same because like DOES attract like.
Love is a delicate balance between the peeks and valleys of life. At times it lifts you up to heights unknown to places even our fragile hearts can’t comprehend. Other times it causes so much anguish we feel the pain of thousand deaths.

Here’s what I know for sure:

1. You can’t make anyone stay with you who wants to leave you nor should you try.
2. Sometimes people come into your life for only a short period of time but short or long they came into your life to teach you lessons about YOURSELF not about them.
3. Gone does not mean goodbye because relationships never end... they just change form for the greater good of everyone involved.
4. Love never ends so if you can say “I don’t love them anymore” you never loved them in the first place.
5. Casual relationships usually only work for ONE person in the relationship (I don’t care what you say… someone is going to get hurt)
6. You can’t get something from someone you aren’t willing to give so you have to BE the love you want in return.
7. You have to love yourself before you love someone else.
8. The best way to get over one relationship is NOT to get into another relationship. You need time to heal, to learn, and to grow and you MUST do that alone.
9. It is important to have your own interests, friends, and passions that bring you joy everyday because no one… NO ONE is responsible for your happiness.
10. When you fall in love you will forget everything I just wrote and will eventually start all over over again at number one (and so will I).

So tell me... who are you right now? How do you feel about yourself? How do you honor yourself? How you answer this question will let you know what kind of people you are attracting into your life. Don't blame then... fix you! You are the only person you can change. So, what will you do to change you so you can change the people, places and things that come into your life!

You've been given the greatest gift of all...your imagination! In that place u can be free!

It's a love game

I recently read a blog by a friend of mine entitled “The Push and Pull.” It’s interesting he used the phrase "push and pull". I've heard it used before from a guy I dated. This guy interacts with a lot of women for “business purposes” and uses that phrase to refer to how he connects with the many women in his life. As I understood it, he flirts with these women as a way of building his network… the pull… then if there isn’t a real heart/soul connection he redirects the interaction and energy to something more platonic… the push. This push and pull continues day after day with woman after woman. To me, that’s playing a very dangerous game. I can say this because I was one of the women who got pulled in. I didn’t want to be pulled in…. I fought it tooth and nail but eventually I fell for him and I fell hard. He was talented, sexy, kind and the attraction was strong. We made no promises for a future and I tired my best to keep it causal.

Here’s where it gets tricky… I had to watch him “push and pull” with other women and I’ll just be honest I GOT JEALOUS. Where did I hear him express that thought before? Oh, it was to me! When did I see him respond that way to a woman? Right, it was with me”! Was his expression a genuine one for me or was this a mass communication meant for the chosen few who were fortunate enough to be pulled into his essence? What is he doing with me? Is it a push or a pull? What is he doing with her? Will she get pulled in? If she gets pulled in… will I be pushed out? Already the daily AM texts had stopped. Soon the afternoon texts started to slow down. Was he even aware that he was breaking a pattern… that I was feeling neglected? Soon I was lucky to get one evening text and one brief phone call.

Granted, neither one of us sold each other dreams of a future. Truth be told, I could not see us having a future at all… more because of his circumstances than my own. We did not speak of monogamy… although I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. I assumed… no… I was SURE he had other women. But I didn’t want to have to see their interaction… that was new and different for me. We tried to date in this modern age of social networking, texting and instant messages. But, I know all too well how people can start off with a simple text that turns into a heated romance. His “push and pull” with other women became, for me, a breeding ground for chicks I didn’t want to compete with.

It’s called the “game of love” for a reason and when two hearts meet, whether they like it or not… the game has begun. But all games aren’t bad. I love to play card games, I golf (well, I use to), and at times I even enjoy playing board games. Games of the heart, however, can heal or wound depending on the intent. This game we were playing was starting to hurt and I could no longer be sure if his actions where pure and if my responses were rational.

Here’s what I learned… I suck at casual relationships. This is ironic, from a woman who encourages others to “live in the moment” and honor the ever present now. However when it comes to relationships… at least for me… I need to feel important, adored, loved, and special. Even if I’m not “the one” I need to feel I am. I want to be pulled in and NEVER pushed away. Here’s the kicker… I really dig this guy. I miss him every single day. I don’t think we’re playing a game anymore because I called “game over” and he took his ball and went home. I’m not sure if he even thinks of me now. There’s so much pushing and pulling going on in his world I doubt that I’m even missed. I wonder if there was something one of us could have done differently? I wonder if I bailed too soon? I wonder if we’ll ever get a chance to “play” again… because as I said earlier… some games are fun.

I’ve already told him I liked him and I hope I’m able to be bold and fearless should he and I ever connect again. One thing is for sure… with or without him I WILL see my dreams fulfilled. My dreams are what I live for every day… every day that I continue to miss my friend.

We coexist in this world as human beings, the wronged & the wrong doer. That is our common humanity & human drama

Nothing can stand in your way when you have focused all that you are on a particular set of objectives!

Honor yourself by Mothering yourself

While they won’t admit it, most women I know want to be mothered. My girlfriends sometimes say they want a “wife”… not that they want to be married to a woman, instead what they are expressing is their need to be nurtured, taken care of, “Mothered”. But we women feel the deep, penetrating pull to provide comfort and are caught between the pressing needs of our careers, children, elderly parents, friends, and mates.

Though we are grown, we never outgrow the need for someone special to hold us close, to comfort us or to whisper, “Everything will be alright”. Consider this though, maybe we should tap into the feminine energy that emanates from the Divine in order to “Mother” ourselves. I suggest one way to do this is to create- as an act of worship- a safe, peaceful, haven in your home where you can pamper and energize yourself.

In her book Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem, Gloria Steinem shares that one’s home is “a symbol of the self”. If that is so, then what is your home saying about you? Today, as you walk through your own home think about ways big and small you can begin to “Mother” yourself. Do you have beautiful areas where you can sit, pray, mediate or create? Do you have a spot all your own where you can unwind and feed you mind, body and spirit? Even if you live in a concrete jungle… actually especially if you live in a concrete jungle… you can bring a little bit of nature home with beautiful flowers, plants, or herbs that can infuse scents to calm the nerves and lift the spirits. Women often think it is selfish to actually take care of us. But, we will be no good to anyone else if we aren’t the best we can be, vibrating at our highest level.

It is by seeking to know oneself
that the Great Mother of all may be found.
~Anadamayi Ma

Read over the poem one more time than tell me what you can do today, right now, to “Mother” yourself?

Todays Intention: To be centered, completely at ease, and comfortable with myself being myself!