Beautiful Single Black Women!

So with all this talk about the shortage of available Black men (see my blog post Black Women Single and Black Women Unmarried) I decided to comprise a list of my favorite top five 2009 talented, strong, successful Black women who are currently single and living their life like it's golden!

1. The most powerful women in the world- Oprah Winfrey
2. Actress, former supermodel and TV personality- Tyra Banks
3. Actress, songtress, performer -Janet Jackson (Miss Jackson if you're nasty)
4. Actress, singer, and comeback QUEEN- Whitney Houston
5. Actress Sanaa Lathan

Black Women Single

I posted the ABC News clip featured in my previous blog "Black Women Unmarried" on my Facebook page.  My girlfriends are all over this topic.  They are sharing their fears, their lessons, their words of wisdom... all in an effort to uplift each other and I love it!  This all started when a male friend of mine sent me this dreadful video that was yet another media report on the shortage of Black men.  My guy friend wanted to know my thoughts on the matter.  My initial reaction to the Black man shortage news report was "it is what it is".  When that wasn't enough of an answer for him I wrote this...

If Black women out number Black men so be it. We can't create more Black men between the ages of 30 and 60 years old to choose from now can we? We can't make sure more Black male infants are born each year rather than female babies just to even out the score. But we CAN empower more women to love ourselves regardless of our martial status.  We can encourage our circle of female friends to broaden our options (dating outside our race and not lowering our standards but taking a hard look at what is important to us) and to find love where we can when we can. We can also support our sistas who do find a Black man to love, honor and cherish them and remind them of how blessed they are when things in the marriage aren't going so well.

I refuse to get caught up in the statistics or the media hype/hysteria over the shortage of Black men. Myself and several of my single Black BFFs have chosen to have fabulous careers or build successful lives and we make no excuses for that. Many of us delayed marriage in pursuit of our dreams and we wouldn't have it any other way. Life is all about choices and we made our choice... some by design... some out of necessity. If a Black man hasn't come along "oh well". Truth be told, I have a lot of girlfriends who are very unhappy in their marriages so who is to say having the title "Mrs" is the end all be all?

A Black male shortage is nothing new. So yes, it is what it is and we will forge ahead in spite of it. Our journey in life, in my humble opinion, is never about anyone else or any one condition... it's always about our on individual path. It's not the issue, i.e. the shortage of Black men that's the problem it's how you respond to it that counts.

I was able to say this to him because I have amazing sista' friends who remind me of how wonderful, gifted, beautiful and strong I am.  I have male friends who do the same but it's my girls... some married... some single... some divorced that really know what I'm going through.  Thi, after finding out my Ex, a man I loved too much, trusted too much and took way too long to get over recently got married to someone else. Am I sad no man has looked me in my eye and said "I can't live my life without you"?  Well, no man I WANTED to look me in the eye and say that.  Yes, I am salty about that.  But baby, I have a good life... a really, really, good life and I am living it to the fullest.  A brother can come along for the ride or watch my smoke as I leave a trail of dust but I'm keep things moving regardless.  I'm God's gift come true... now go remind a Black woman that she is also God's gift come true so we can stop this madness of self hate and self doubt and move on to self love be we married, divorced or God forbid... SINGLE!

Black Women Unmaried

So, once again the media is telling us that Black Women have a better chance of hitting the lottery than finding a suitable mate.  Once again we have to hear that as successful, intelligent, accomplished women we have to lower our standards to be find a man who is willing to join us in Holy Matrimony.  I'd like to say this doesn't affect me.  I'd like to say... "oh those are just statistics".  But, since I'm a decade older than the women in this report I have to pause and say "hmmmmmm."  Well, all of us single ladies better get use to it.  We better be happy being by ourselves but never alone.  We better rejoice in the life we have rather than the life we don't.  We better rally around our family and friends and find joy and happiness there rather than in a marriage that may or may not be all it's cracked up to be.  Let's learn to love ourselves and stop letting these disturbing stats scare us into believe we are not fabulous just the way we are when we know that we are! Here's the report, here's what they are saying... you decide...

An open letter to all my BFFs!

This was sent to me by my girlfriend who I've known since I was a little girl and who I love even more as I'm matured into a grown women!  This is for all my BFFs!!!


"When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
Life would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be…
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another, 'Let's fight together,'
Another, 'Let's walk away together.'
One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself.
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from early school years,
One from later school years,
Several from here and there,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters."

Thanks to all the wonderful women in my life for being in my circle and to all my best friends forever!

Took a poem to making being a Christian Sister OK with me

One of my Sista friends sent a poem to me by Maya Angelou. I LOVE Maya and I LOVE my girlfriend! The poem is entitled "BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER". I often don't like using the word "Christian"... not because I don't love The Father, The Son and the Holy Ghost but because I also honor the conscious, subconscious and unconscious and understand the metaphysics of id, ego, and super-ego. I often think the word "Christian" limits where I am in my spiritual growth. I study all kinds of world religion and have accepted as my Truth a combination of the highest principles of those faiths that speak to who I am and where I am on my spiritual path. But, when I read this poem I was proud to say... yes... I am all kinds of things and one of them is being a Christian Sister.

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

--Maya Angelou

The Women of My Youth

I went to my high school reunion over the weekend. It was sooooooo much fun! But... and this is interesting... it's amazing how people can fall back into old habits... just like back in grade school. The same girls who got on everyone's nerves when we were in high school are STILL getting on folks nerves now that we are adults. But snobby women aside, the best part of the night was the fact that those of us who considered each other "girls" back in the day... came together as friends... after all those years... picking up with our friendship right where we left off!

Old boyfriends reminded us of our first loves and yet old pains seem to disappear. Old rivalries were put aside and in it's place a greater bond was formed amongst us all. You see, I grew up in a very small town. A very, very small town outside of Philadelphia, PA. A lot of people I graduated with I've know all my life. Many of us started kindergarten together and we learned how to laugh, negotiate, communicate, argue, forgive, and yes, love from first grade right through graduation from 12th grade.

Many of us left my small hometown and started our life elsewhere. Many others remained or moved to the next big city. But, through all of our travels, experiences, and life lessons, we came together during our reunion as a united front... as people who have shared a common childhood and who understand each other on such a deep level... like no one else could... like no one else can.

But, this is really the story of my girlfriends. Like my GF, Jina, who I use to ride my bike with to Darby Township to seek out the brothers with "swagga"... although at the time we weren't familiar with that term... we just knew we like guys with edge. Or Laurie, who sang in the choir with me and went on weekend rides in our friend's car trying... unsuccessfully... to get into some trouble. There is also Wanda, who was a regular at the Nile Swim Club (my favorite place on earth to be as a child) and someone who I've been keeping in contact with online. Then there is my girl, Dannie, who I didn't have the best of relationships with in high school (mainly because we misunderstood each other) but who is now like a sister to me. Of course, I can't leave out my BFF, Trina... who knows all my childhood secrets and who I don't see nearly often enough! This was Trina's first high school reunion but we are hoping it won't be her last because we had so much fun!

Wait, I'm reminded of a story I forgot to ask the ladies at the reunion if they remembered. When we were in 6th grade we girls came up with a scheme to quite the boys during lunch time. I'm not sure what Todd, Larry, Bruce, Tyrone and Edsel did to us but we were going let them know they did us wrong and we were done with them! It was agreed; we would stand up and say "It's quits" all at the same time. As the clock ticked away and each of us wondered if we were doing the right thing... we slowly stood up... looked at each other... and at the strike of 12 noon we all quit our boyfriends. Well, all except Jina... she chickened out... I wonder if she remembers this?

But I digress... rounding out the last of the girlfriends there is Linda, who pulled the whole reunion together and gave us all a magical night to remember. She joins Grace, my elementary BFF who, for some reason, didn't show up at the reunion but helped Linda pull it all together. There are so many more girlfriends to mention... like my girl Ramona Cropper who helped me search high and low for the stone I lost out of the bubble gum ring Todd bought me... or Helen, Gigi and Jen... all cool chicks... but I'll stop here.

All the women of my youth have had a profound impact on me. They are who I was, who I am, who I always hoped to be. They mean more to me as an adult woman than they ever did as a little girl growing up. I have a love for them all that I can't even explain. I will say this; my heart is full having spent time with so many of my childhood friends. I am truly, truly, blessed to have grown up in a town where everyone knew everyone, where all the parents had the right to discipline us, where we were able to keep our doors unlocked all day long, where we could leave our bikes in the driveway overnight, and where you knew you were loved for miles and miles around you. All that love came pouring out this weekend. I underestimated how much I missed these people and how important these women are to me. I promise not to let that happen again.

"Those truly linked don't need correspondence. When they meet again after many years apart, their friendship is as true as ever". ~Deng Ming-Dao

Janet Jackson's tribute to my first love, Michael Jackson, at the VMAs

MTV Shows

Girlfriends Day

One of my childhood girlfriends I've know since I was 5 years old sent me an email for Girlfriends Day. I loved the sentiment of the email but even more, it reminded me of the love I have for all girlfriends in my life who continue to uplift me, encourage me, and think the best of me... even when I don't think the best about myself. So to all my girlfriends, sister friends and fellow readers this one is for you...

Life is
Too short to wake up with
regrets.
So love
the people
who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't
just because you can.
Believe everything happens for
a reason.
If you get a second chance,
grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.

I'll add... live life with purpose, laugh out loud, pray often, ask for help when you need it, forgive everyone, love hard and dream BIG! Happy Girlfriend Day!

Find these images at http://www.yahoo.americangreetings.com/ecards/display.pd?prodnum=3079179&path=41164

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so". That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: "I don't think so"! Author Unknown

Speak and Live Your Truth

Relationships are complex things. I liken them to a great big jigsaw puzzle with each of us trying to find our corner where the pieces fit. One thing I know for sure, your word, your intentions, your choices can bring a relationship closer to heaven or send it diving into the depths of hell. If I had to chose one quality for me that stands out above the rest that helps to strengthen a relationship... it would integrity.

Wikipedia defines Integrity as: consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. Integrity may be seen as the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one's actions.

The key phrase for me is "consistency of actions". That which you repeatedly do creates your reality. Oh, and honesty, HONESTY is right up there at the top of my list. I never knew how important honesty was until I dealt with a very dishonest person. Even before that encounter I always try to tell the truth... even when I don't want to (although my friends would say I still have to work on my delivery). Sometimes I think that me being so forthright gives me the liberty to take the moral high road. I've come to realize, however, that my Truth with a big "T" is only one half of the story. Other people can tell their Truth and with all honesty think they are being consistent in their actions and true to their word. I'm not here to judge. I'm not here to point out rights and wrongs. As I struggle with the friendships in my life I wanted to share what has helped me... so that I don't turn left... when I know I should be turning right. Maybe you'll find something in it to help you also.

Living with integrity means:

• Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
  
• Asking for what you want and need from others.
  
• Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
  
• Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
  
• Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe Barbara De Angelis
  

I'll add... treat others as you want to be treated. It is just that simple and it is just that hard.

If words have power and thoughts have power... what will you say and think today... and how will you change your life?

Mobile post sent by DLRicks using Utterli.  Replies.

A New Road for my Love Map!

I’ve often wondered why women, myself included, are attracted to “bad boys”. My Dad wasn’t a bad boy. Well, maybe he was and I just didn’t know it. What is that mysterious force that pulls us towards one person but pushes us away from another? According to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, this push and pull is based on our “love map" -- a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, build and dare I say, swaga. Not only that, apparently our “love map” determines the kind of personality that appeals to us.

How, when, and why we fall for someone is said to depend on those people who most clearly fit our love map. Now, here’s the kicker for me, this love map begins to navigate its way through our brain in childhood. By age eight, they say, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains. Age eight... really... little Danielle is determining who I date now? What does she know anyway? If you checked out my earlier post then you know that by age eight I was in love with Michael Jackson. What the heck does that say about my love map? I mean, he was a somewhat normal little boy at that point but could he have been more unavailable?

I wonder if we can change the boundaries of our love map? I wonder if I can fall in love with a man who adores me rather than ignores me. Who loves me rather than lies to me. Who is actually available rather than being a workaholic, self-centered, unavailable, narcissistic, full of swaga, got too much edge, selfish, all about his "art/music/film/TV show/record company"… OK... I’m on a tangent now… I think you get the picture. I am determined to take that love map of that little eight-year-old girl and turn it upside down. I will do it differently this time. I will find the roads that lead to adoration, where I am cherished, honored, respected, valued and empowered. Who does that little eight-year girl think she is telling me who to date anyway?

Up until now she’s been wrong far more than she’s been right. Besides, my first love, Michael Jackson is no longer with us in this reality. It’s time I tell that little eight-year-old Danielle in the photo above to... quoting my beloved MJ here... “Beat It”! Grown women are at work here and your services are no longer required!

If we've learned nothing over this past week, let us remember that the ever present now is the most precious gift of all!

Mobile post sent by DLRicks using Utterli.  Replies.

Tomorrow is not promised. Today is a gift. Live, laugh, love, forgive and enjoy!

Michael Jackson: A little girl's crush... a woman's love

Every woman remembers her first crush.  Mine was on Michael Jackson.  I can trace my love for Michael to the diary I started in fourth grade.  My epic tale was titled “My Life So Far” - as far as a life could be at that age- and the second sentence reads: “I love, love, love, a boy named Michael Jackson in the group the Jackson Five.” So began my love affair with this young, talented, Black boy with the big Afro and bigger smile who could sing and dance so well my little girl heart would melt.

I begged my Father to take me to see the Jackson Five when they came to Philadelphia. My Dad, a man I loved more than words can ever adequately describe, always wanted to please his baby girl. So, Daddy took me to see the Jackson Five in an over crowed concert hall in Philly. Because I was so short I couldn’t see the stage and had a panic attack. My Dad - being the best Daddy ever- picked me up, put me on his shoulders and let me watch the entire show above the crowd where my love for Michael Jackson grew and grew. Poor Daddy.  Here he was looking at the back of some other parent’s head, listening to music he could care less about, surrounded by screaming little girls. Dad is in heaven right now laughing about, that I’m sure!

As the Jackson Five albums were released, I got them hot off the presses. I sang to each song and knew every single word. Daddy soon got me a subscription to Right On! Magazine. I soaked up everything written about my favorite singer and my favorite group. I’d cut out Michael’s photos from the magazine and make beautiful, colorful, collages that were plastered all over my bedroom wall. Every little Black girl finally had a little Black boy to fantasize about.  It was wonderful. Well, we thought it was.  The brothas in my class didn’t like it one bit. They were hatin’ on the J-5 something awful. “He ain’t all that”, Todd would say. “My ‘fro is better than his”, you would hear Edsel whisper. “He can’t even sing", Edwin lied. I paid those silly little boys no mind. “I’m going to marry Michael Jackson one day”, I said to myself… and I meant it.

In grade school we would have arguments about which member of the Jackson Five were more deserving of our love. Little brown girls, sitting around the lunch table... getting in heated debates about these boys who we never met, who lived across the country, who didn’t even know we were alive. I must admit, there was a short period of time when I thought I was in love with Marlon Jackson (that boy could dance), BUT my heart belonged to Michael.  Soon I came to my senses and went back to the little Black boy with the big Afro, big smile and even bigger voice who originally stole my heart.

I can remember like it was yesterday the first time the Jackson Five were on Soul Train. I was playing outside with my friends and someone yelled “it’s time for the Jackson Five on TV! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.” We scattered in all directions trying to make it to the TV in time. There were no DVD or even VHS recorders at that time and no one could have even imagined TiVo or On Demand. If you missed the live show, you missed The Jackson Five and I was NOT about to miss my heartthrob. I also remember when I got the ABC album that opened up to reveal private photos of the Jackson Five. I looked over each photo at least a thousand times trying to get a good look into his personal life. I was looking for some clue to tell me something about this little boy I was so infatuated with.

My fondest memory was when I was getting ready for my very first play. I was all dressed up in my costume and had on red lipstick… thinking I was grown. I was walking out the door, stopped in my tracks and then ran back into the living room, grabbed the “I Want You Back” album and kissed it for good luck. I still have that album and the lipstick stain is still there. It’s not worth anything to anyone but me. The album cover is so worn out that it’s being held together by staples. The LP itself is so worn you can’t hear the background singers anymore. It would be decades later before I even knew Jermaine was singing background on the “I Want You Back” single... this only after hearing a digitally mastered copy of the song.

Fast forward to college. One of my ex-boyfriends who to this day is a very good friend of mine, reminded me just last night, that as an eighteen/nineteen year old young woman I told him I was going to marry Michael Jackson. Can you imagine? He thought, “either this girl is delusional” or “you know, she might just marry him.” See, at that time Michael had not blown up yet and the possibility I could be Mrs. Michael Jackson still remained an option. The Up Against The Wall album was just about to drop. When it did, it was over… Michael was on his way to being a superstar. By the time Thriller came out I was working at BET. By then I knew I wasn’t going to marry Michael but I’d be telling a big fat lie if I didn’t think getting a job with BET would give me access to him. I wasn’t completely wrong. BET allowed me to get tickets to his concert with The Jacksons. After many years I even got a chance to meet Michael Jackson but by then he was no longer the person I was once infatuated with. By the time I met Michael he was slipping away from us. He was a major superstar. He was an icon. He was untouchable. He was the King of Pop. He was strange.

I defended Michael and his antics for years, decades even. I stopped defending him after his trial. I had lost my infatuation. It was replaced with frustration, questions, accusations, and finally indifference. I didn’t even purchase his last CD. I laughed at jokes made about him. I turned my back on him. But now that he is gone I can only remember the love I felt for him. I can only remember how much joy he gave me. I can only remember what a great singer, dancer, performer and artist he was.

Michael Jackson, you were my first love. I am broken hearted that you have left us. I know you are at peace now... a peace you couldn't find on earth. In my mind, you are still that little Black boy with the big Afro, big smile, and apple hat on. Or, you are the young man in the video wearing a sliver outfit living off the wall. You left us with an incredible catalog of music. You left me with a boy to swoon over... my first crush... and my first love. Maybe that’s why I never married. I was waiting for the little Black boy with the big Afro and big smile to come propose to me. That won’t happen now but I love you, Michael Jackson.  I always will. 

Say “Hi” to my Dad and let him tell you about the concert he took me to. You two will like each other. It makes me feel good knowing my two greatest loves are together now. I still have some living to do but in soon enough “I’ll Be There" with you both.

Wise words to live by

Love this and thought I'd share. It's written by columnist Regina Brett, 50 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 50 (in 2008), so here is the column once more":

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
    
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves!

Live, love, laugh, forgive, pray, remember to dream BIG... and repeat often!

Tomorrow is NOT promised, love, forgive, enjoy, laugh, NOW. You may not get another chance!

Your personal missions statement should support the dreams you have for yourself!

Maxwell Maltz wrote it takes 21 days 2 create a habit. Will u take a 21 day "Dream Big Challenge" with me? http://bit.ly/Z242e

You Cant Give What You Never Had

One of my favorite sayings is "you attract that which you are". But how can you attract your greatness if you aren't at your best? How can my partner see my greatness if he don’t recognize his own? How will my mate support my dreams if his dreams aren't realized? If like attracts like and you're not at your best or I'm not at mine... yet I am attracted you... than what does that say about me? What does that say about you? If I wasn't vibrating high I... I will attract someone who is acting low. If I'm not feeling good about me... surely I will attract someone who is ALSO not feeling me. So I have to be at my BEST, treat myself well, love my dirty draws and honor myself if I expect you to do the same because like DOES attract like.
Love is a delicate balance between the peeks and valleys of life. At times it lifts you up to heights unknown to places even our fragile hearts can’t comprehend. Other times it causes so much anguish we feel the pain of thousand deaths.

Here’s what I know for sure:

1. You can’t make anyone stay with you who wants to leave you nor should you try.
2. Sometimes people come into your life for only a short period of time but short or long they came into your life to teach you lessons about YOURSELF not about them.
3. Gone does not mean goodbye because relationships never end... they just change form for the greater good of everyone involved.
4. Love never ends so if you can say “I don’t love them anymore” you never loved them in the first place.
5. Casual relationships usually only work for ONE person in the relationship (I don’t care what you say… someone is going to get hurt)
6. You can’t get something from someone you aren’t willing to give so you have to BE the love you want in return.
7. You have to love yourself before you love someone else.
8. The best way to get over one relationship is NOT to get into another relationship. You need time to heal, to learn, and to grow and you MUST do that alone.
9. It is important to have your own interests, friends, and passions that bring you joy everyday because no one… NO ONE is responsible for your happiness.
10. When you fall in love you will forget everything I just wrote and will eventually start all over over again at number one (and so will I).

So tell me... who are you right now? How do you feel about yourself? How do you honor yourself? How you answer this question will let you know what kind of people you are attracting into your life. Don't blame then... fix you! You are the only person you can change. So, what will you do to change you so you can change the people, places and things that come into your life!

You've been given the greatest gift of all...your imagination! In that place u can be free!

It's a love game

I recently read a blog by a friend of mine entitled “The Push and Pull.” It’s interesting he used the phrase "push and pull". I've heard it used before from a guy I dated. This guy interacts with a lot of women for “business purposes” and uses that phrase to refer to how he connects with the many women in his life. As I understood it, he flirts with these women as a way of building his network… the pull… then if there isn’t a real heart/soul connection he redirects the interaction and energy to something more platonic… the push. This push and pull continues day after day with woman after woman. To me, that’s playing a very dangerous game. I can say this because I was one of the women who got pulled in. I didn’t want to be pulled in…. I fought it tooth and nail but eventually I fell for him and I fell hard. He was talented, sexy, kind and the attraction was strong. We made no promises for a future and I tired my best to keep it causal.

Here’s where it gets tricky… I had to watch him “push and pull” with other women and I’ll just be honest I GOT JEALOUS. Where did I hear him express that thought before? Oh, it was to me! When did I see him respond that way to a woman? Right, it was with me”! Was his expression a genuine one for me or was this a mass communication meant for the chosen few who were fortunate enough to be pulled into his essence? What is he doing with me? Is it a push or a pull? What is he doing with her? Will she get pulled in? If she gets pulled in… will I be pushed out? Already the daily AM texts had stopped. Soon the afternoon texts started to slow down. Was he even aware that he was breaking a pattern… that I was feeling neglected? Soon I was lucky to get one evening text and one brief phone call.

Granted, neither one of us sold each other dreams of a future. Truth be told, I could not see us having a future at all… more because of his circumstances than my own. We did not speak of monogamy… although I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. I assumed… no… I was SURE he had other women. But I didn’t want to have to see their interaction… that was new and different for me. We tried to date in this modern age of social networking, texting and instant messages. But, I know all too well how people can start off with a simple text that turns into a heated romance. His “push and pull” with other women became, for me, a breeding ground for chicks I didn’t want to compete with.

It’s called the “game of love” for a reason and when two hearts meet, whether they like it or not… the game has begun. But all games aren’t bad. I love to play card games, I golf (well, I use to), and at times I even enjoy playing board games. Games of the heart, however, can heal or wound depending on the intent. This game we were playing was starting to hurt and I could no longer be sure if his actions where pure and if my responses were rational.

Here’s what I learned… I suck at casual relationships. This is ironic, from a woman who encourages others to “live in the moment” and honor the ever present now. However when it comes to relationships… at least for me… I need to feel important, adored, loved, and special. Even if I’m not “the one” I need to feel I am. I want to be pulled in and NEVER pushed away. Here’s the kicker… I really dig this guy. I miss him every single day. I don’t think we’re playing a game anymore because I called “game over” and he took his ball and went home. I’m not sure if he even thinks of me now. There’s so much pushing and pulling going on in his world I doubt that I’m even missed. I wonder if there was something one of us could have done differently? I wonder if I bailed too soon? I wonder if we’ll ever get a chance to “play” again… because as I said earlier… some games are fun.

I’ve already told him I liked him and I hope I’m able to be bold and fearless should he and I ever connect again. One thing is for sure… with or without him I WILL see my dreams fulfilled. My dreams are what I live for every day… every day that I continue to miss my friend.

We coexist in this world as human beings, the wronged & the wrong doer. That is our common humanity & human drama

Nothing can stand in your way when you have focused all that you are on a particular set of objectives!

Honor yourself by Mothering yourself

While they won’t admit it, most women I know want to be mothered. My girlfriends sometimes say they want a “wife”… not that they want to be married to a woman, instead what they are expressing is their need to be nurtured, taken care of, “Mothered”. But we women feel the deep, penetrating pull to provide comfort and are caught between the pressing needs of our careers, children, elderly parents, friends, and mates.

Though we are grown, we never outgrow the need for someone special to hold us close, to comfort us or to whisper, “Everything will be alright”. Consider this though, maybe we should tap into the feminine energy that emanates from the Divine in order to “Mother” ourselves. I suggest one way to do this is to create- as an act of worship- a safe, peaceful, haven in your home where you can pamper and energize yourself.

In her book Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem, Gloria Steinem shares that one’s home is “a symbol of the self”. If that is so, then what is your home saying about you? Today, as you walk through your own home think about ways big and small you can begin to “Mother” yourself. Do you have beautiful areas where you can sit, pray, mediate or create? Do you have a spot all your own where you can unwind and feed you mind, body and spirit? Even if you live in a concrete jungle… actually especially if you live in a concrete jungle… you can bring a little bit of nature home with beautiful flowers, plants, or herbs that can infuse scents to calm the nerves and lift the spirits. Women often think it is selfish to actually take care of us. But, we will be no good to anyone else if we aren’t the best we can be, vibrating at our highest level.

It is by seeking to know oneself
that the Great Mother of all may be found.
~Anadamayi Ma

Read over the poem one more time than tell me what you can do today, right now, to “Mother” yourself?

Todays Intention: To be centered, completely at ease, and comfortable with myself being myself!

My Blog Talk Radio Show

Hello All! I host a BTR show that's all about women... how we work, play and relate to the world around us. Please listen and LEAVE A COMMENT http://www.blogtalkradio.com/…ielleRicks

Mobile post sent by DLRicks using Utterli.  Replies.

Why I write

I write to set my soul free. I write to set my mind free. I read to escape my reality and visit places where my mind and soul can be free together!

Mobile post sent by DLRicks using Utterli.  Replies.

You deserve to be adored!

I have a really good girlfriend that I met while working at Walt Disney World in Orlando. We have become the best of friends. Over the years we have shared similar hopes & dreams for the future. One of those dreams was to finally, finally get married. We had given up so much for our careers and as newly crowned Cougars we wanted to settle down.

So, we dated. And we dated. And we dated some more. Then I saw a shift in her love requirements. She started to say she wanted to be adored. I liked that idea but I don't think I fully bought into the concept. That is UNTIL... years later I met her husband. By then I was living in DC and she had come to town with her new hubby to watch history being made with the inauguration of the first Black President of the United States.

I'm going to cut to the chase here... he adores her! So much so he has photos of their wedding on his PDA and has no problems whipping them out to show the world what a beautiful bride he has. A guy... with wedding photos... on his iPhone... that he WANTS to share. That's just one small example of his adoration. I could go on and on about how he adores her but that's not the point.

The point is she didn't change the men she was dating. She changed her consciousness about the kind of men she wanted to date. Not too long ago I made that shift as well and I've been attracting more nurturing, honest, down to earth brothers (with one or two exceptions here and there). I will be blogging more about that as time goes on. In the meantime I asked some of my Twitter friends to define what it means to be adored by a man by answering this question: "He adores you if______" (fill in the blank). Here are some of my favorite answers. Feel free to add your own. I'll continue to post more as more of my favorites roll in.

• @peachcandy24 #HeAdoresYouIf respects you, protects you, and provides for you
• @RachelRich69 #HeAdoresYouIf he honestly and openly shares his feelings with you about your future together
• @jujumama #HeAdoresYouIf He is willing and happy to give because you are so open to receiving
• @rixstarr @DanielleRicks #HeAdoresYouIf he displays one of the Big "P" manhood traits on a regular basis. That's Protect/Provide/Profess/Promote
• @cyntjemusic #HeAdoresYouIf he supports your destiny/goals even if it means him getting out of the way

These are just a few. Give me your thoughts! Oh... and follow me on Twitter @DanielleRicks

@ShannonRenne#HeAdoresYouIf he doesn't understand social media and supports your addiction anyway *LOVE THAT ONE*

It ain't easy being green or being a women!

I always struggle with this balance of what it means to be a woman. So often I have identified myself with the man in my life, the position I have held on my job... the kind of sister, friend, or daughter I am. But now, having reached what I feel is the half way point in my life, I'm called upon to be more reflective, to be more introspective, to ask myself... "just what kind of women do I want to be?"

I've had some ups and I've had some downs. I've learned the lesson of self-love, self-expression, and self-esteem the hard way. I have had great loves and I have lost what I thought was the love of my life (turns out he was just a great love of a particular season in my life). While I've been able to peel back the layers of my soul to get to who I am as a Child of God, I still struggle with who I am as this female energy called "woman". Am I to be this strong, go get ‘em woman that my job calls for… while I'm out in the world… "on the grind”… “makin’ that paper”. While I do that... can I also be vulnerable and open up to all parts of my myself in an intimate relationship with someone who I hold dear and who I desperately need to be the caretaker of my heart? Will one soul energy source of dominance or submission surpass or overshadow the other?

I struggle with this push and pull of the masculine and feminine energy every day. It is the Ying and the Yang of me. When I am centered, focused, and bathed in Christ Consciousness I am in perfect balance with these two energies. When I am off, even if only by a little bit, one or more of the opposite polarities that make up the human psyche throw me for a loop. In these moments I pray and meditate. I turn within and ask the Creator to bring me back to the center… to allow me to focus… to allow me rise to my higher self… but it is a struggle.

I strive to experience unconditional love, without judgment, and without conviction. As I do, I understand the road to unconditional love and non-judgment is paved with a path called forgiveness. In this moment I forgive all who I have perceived having done me wrong me and I forgive myself for being so hard on a yearning soul that simply wants to be free.

These are my struggles... what are yours? How can love and forgiveness help you to overcome them?

Self Love

As women, I hope we learn to love ourselves as we so often love others!

Mobile post sent by DLRicks using Utterli.  Replies.  mp3

A Women's Worth

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN
I didn't write this but I feel every word and every line.

Women's History Month: We've Come A Long Way Baby

As we continue to honor extraordinary women during Women’s History Month I’d like to share a modified timeline of how far my sistas’ have come in the last two centuries.

1619 (August 20) 20 men and women from Africa arrived on a slave ship and were sold in the first North American slave auction -- by British and international custom, Africans could be held in servitude for life, though white Christian indentured servants could only be held for a limited term.

1625 Virginia census lists twelve black men and eleven black women; most have no names and do not have the dates of arrival that most white servants in the census have listed -- only one of the blacks has a full listing.

1668 Virginia legislature declared that free black women were to be taxed, but not white women servants or other white women; that "negro women, though permitted to enjoy their freedom" could not have the rights of "the English."

1780 Massachusetts passed a law abolishing slavery and giving African American men (but not women) the right to vote
About 1797 Sojourner Truth (Isabella Van Wagener) born a slave (abolitionist, women's rights proponent, minister, lecturer.

1808 (January 1) importing slaves to the United States became illegal; about 250,000 more Africans were imported as slaves to the United States after slave imports became illegal.

1809

• New York began recognizing marriages of African Americans

• African Female Benevolent Society of Newport, Rhode Island, founded

• Fanny Kemble born (wrote about slavery) Source: About.com


Fast forward TWO HUNDRED years and…

2009 Michelle Obama, a Princeton University and Harvard Law School graduate, a lawyer, a wife, a mother, becomes the First African American First Lady of the United States.

“Where we are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in three simple words: Yes. We. Can.” An except from the acceptance speech by President Barack Obama on my birthday, November 5, 2008.

March is Women's History Month

You may not know this but March is Women's History Month. In honor of this celebration that can be traced back to the early 1900s, I've picked First Lady Michelle Obama as the person in history I'd like to acknowledge and honor.

Beginning in Europe 1911, Women's History Month was first celebrated on March 8 as International Women's Day. The celebration was meant to draw attention to woman issues such as winning the right to vote, hot buttons both in many Europe as well as in the United States.

The great depression of the 30s saw women's issues go out of the window and the came World War II. By the time the late 60s/early 70s women issues were back in fashion and our concerns once again took a national platform with the birth of The National Organization for Women whose goal has been "to take action" to bring about equality for all women. In 1987, at the request of the National Women's History Project, Congress expanded the week to a month, and the U.S. Congress has issued a resolution every year since then.

Today, the purpose of Women's History Month is to increase consciousness and knowledge of women's history: to take one month of the year to remember the contributions of notable and ordinary women, in hopes that the day will soon come when it's impossible to teach or learn history without remembering these contributions.

This year for Women's History Month I'd like to recognize the contributions of our First Lady, Michelle Obama. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia her bio reads:

"Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (born January 17, 1964) is the wife of the forty-fourth President of the United States, Barack Obama, and the first African-American First Lady of the United States. She was born and grew up on the South Side of Chicago and graduated from Princeton University and Harvard Law School. After completing her formal education, she returned to Chicago and accepted a position with the law firm Sidley Austin, and subsequently worked as part of the staff of Chicago mayor Richard M. Daley, and for the University of Chicago Medical Center. Throughout 2007 and 2008, she helped campaign for her husband's presidential bid."

She is a stunning, well educated, classy woman and this month she is my woman of honor for Women's History Month. Representing not only the struggle of women but also, as the first Black First Lady of the US, she is a positive by-product of the struggle for civil rights. We've only begun to see what she is made of and I look forward to following her career in the White House.

I wish you Love!

It's Valentine's Day and on this day meant for lovers I wish all the wonderful women in my life and all the men who love them LOVE in return. It can be difficult for so many wonderful women who don't recognize their greatness or who don't have someone in their corner to remind them of how wonderful they truly are. So, for these women and for you reading now... this is for you:

I wish you..

A loving eye that will never judge
A mended heart where there are cracks
A strong shoulder when your head is heavy
A warm embrace where there is need for support
A kind word when in need of a positive affirmation
A good friend who loves you unconditionally to remind of your greatness
And much more love than you think your heart can hold but I know your heart deserves

Being a Women

I've been wanting to start a blog that honors and speaks to women's issues for a while now. I write for other blogs but this one is near and dear to me not only because I am a women, or that my best friends or women but because I think we are such amazing human beings.

It's fitting that I launch the blog today. Today is National Wear Red Day. Beside red being my favorite color... by wearing red today and making a donation we can all help the American Heart Association support ongoing research and education about women and heart disease. What you may not know is heart disease is the number one killer among women in the United States. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can do something right now to change those stats. Please share these tips with all the women in your life.

Don't smoke. If you are a smoker, quit now. Smoking triples your risk of dying by boosting blood pressure and making blood more prone to clot, which can lead to heart attacks and strokes. I know it won't be easy but if you quit now, you will decrease your risk of a heart attack by 50 percent!

— Watch your waist. The bigger your belly the more likely you'll have fat in and around your abdominal organs leading to clogged arteries.

— Cut back on saturated and trans-fats. These fats can be found in packaged foods such as cookies and potato chips (which I love.. so this one is hard for me also). These goodies contribute to high cholesterol, which causes fatty plaques that can clog arteries.

— Eat a rainbow. Fruits and vegetables such as spinach, carrots, peaches and berries are high in antioxidants and fiber. Try to eat red, yellow, blue and green fruits and veggies every day.

— Go fishing. Tuna, salmon and trout are rich in omega-3 fats (the good kind).

— Get inspi-red. Antioxidant substances in red wine help protect the heart. That's a good thing too since I have a glass everyday. But be careful, studies show you should limit your wine intake to one drink per day to avoid increasing your blood pressure and triglycerides... oh... and to avoid becoming a drunk. Seriously, we don't want to trade the fighting heart disease with the disease of alcoholism.

— Watch the clock. The true female advantage when it comes to cardiovascular disease is time. Because of the protective effects of naturally-occurring estrogen, women typically develop cardiovascular disease 10 years later than men. Take advantage of those extra years to challenge the risk factors while you can and look out for the warning signs when time runs out on your ability to produce an abundance of estrogen.

For even more tips, warning signs and ways you can get involved in the American Heart Associations go to http://www.goredforwomen.org