A New Road for my Love Map!

I’ve often wondered why women, myself included, are attracted to “bad boys”. My Dad wasn’t a bad boy. Well, maybe he was and I just didn’t know it. What is that mysterious force that pulls us towards one person but pushes us away from another? According to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, this push and pull is based on our “love map" -- a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, build and dare I say, swaga. Not only that, apparently our “love map” determines the kind of personality that appeals to us.

How, when, and why we fall for someone is said to depend on those people who most clearly fit our love map. Now, here’s the kicker for me, this love map begins to navigate its way through our brain in childhood. By age eight, they say, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains. Age eight... really... little Danielle is determining who I date now? What does she know anyway? If you checked out my earlier post then you know that by age eight I was in love with Michael Jackson. What the heck does that say about my love map? I mean, he was a somewhat normal little boy at that point but could he have been more unavailable?

I wonder if we can change the boundaries of our love map? I wonder if I can fall in love with a man who adores me rather than ignores me. Who loves me rather than lies to me. Who is actually available rather than being a workaholic, self-centered, unavailable, narcissistic, full of swaga, got too much edge, selfish, all about his "art/music/film/TV show/record company"… OK... I’m on a tangent now… I think you get the picture. I am determined to take that love map of that little eight-year-old girl and turn it upside down. I will do it differently this time. I will find the roads that lead to adoration, where I am cherished, honored, respected, valued and empowered. Who does that little eight-year girl think she is telling me who to date anyway?

Up until now she’s been wrong far more than she’s been right. Besides, my first love, Michael Jackson is no longer with us in this reality. It’s time I tell that little eight-year-old Danielle in the photo above to... quoting my beloved MJ here... “Beat It”! Grown women are at work here and your services are no longer required!