What's a Girl To Do: Dating in a Digital World

I posted a comment on my Facbook page about "things not going to work out" because a guy I was on a date with didn't like the fact that I "checked in" to Foursquare.  I got a great deal of support and agreement from my techie, geeky, gadget friends who, in no uncertain terms, told me to "kick him to the curb.'  However, I also got several lengthy comments from folks who think one should be totally focused on ones date and put "the devises" down.  I totally understand where they are coming from... this will never, ever work for me but I understand the concept.

For backup on my position I went to... where else... the Internet.  I have to admit I found far more posts about people who thought texting while on a date... particularly a first date... was rude.  I don't sit and text during a date, per say, but I do "check in" on Foursquare (we'll see how long that lasts) and I will probably post a Tweet or two.  I'm not going to do this while my date is revealing intimate details about himself, but I will tell him upon entering an establishment "I'm going to check-in now" and I may jump on Twitter here and there during a lull in the evening.  While it seems I'm a minority, except among my techie, geeky, gadget friends who think this is a non-issue, I do find in interesting how passionate people feel about unplugging during "date night".  So, I wondered, what's a gadget girl like myself to do?  I did find at least one writer from the New York Times who feels the way I do about being connected to the outside world when you are on a date.  In her article, Kids These Days: Is Texting While Dating a Dealbreaker Kate Dailey wrote:

I admit that I'm more addicted to constant connectivity than most, and that I needn't check my cell as often as I do. But in defending texts at the table, I'm not arguing for the right to a IM chat with my sister whilst a winsome young man tries to tell me about the death of his childhood cat. Instead, I think the realities of these modern times means that one can still be very interested, attuned, and attentive to one's date and still occasionally send a text when a free moment presents itself.

Well, I am not a kid, and neither are my many techie, geeky, gadget, friends and yet we find nothing wrong with staying connected while we... uh... connect.  Granted, I'm not really texting or sending an IM chat while I'm on a date or out with friends, but I will do my social networking thing while I'm actually being... dare I say... social.  It's what I do.  I am a Social Media Specialist and I live, work and play online.  That may not work for a lot of folks and I'm OK with that.  BUT, if you are going to roll with me you need to know my iPhone and it's over usage are part of the package... might as well get that straight from the giddy up.

One guy I dated was actually more addicted to Twitter than I was (am).  It did get on my nerves from time-to-time that he would not, could not, put his Blackberry down.  However, I wasn't surprised.  Ours was a romance cultivated on Twitter, refined via IM and transformed into reality.  Still and all, I never banned him from Twitter.  Instead, we came up with boundries:

• No Tweeting/Facebook posts/Check-ins/Texts/phone calls during dinner (before is fine)
• No Tweeting/Facebook posts/Check-ins/Texts/phone calls at movies/plays/concerts (that's wrong)
• No Tweeting/Facebook posts/Check-ins/Texts/phone calls during intimate moments (I think this goes without saying but I'll say it anyway)

Beyond that, I'm cool with a guy social networking his little heart out and he should be OK with me doing the same.  Now, I don't want him to be a Power User like I am.  That brings with it a whole other level of access that no one but my closest, dearest, friends should have.  Additionally, I do think there needs to be boundaries, far more than I outlined.  I'm working on those in an upcoming Social Media Etiquette post.  In the meantime you can check out Caroline Giegerich article, Dating in a Digital Universe, for some tips on how to navigate through the digital space while dating.  There's some good stuff in there.  I don't agree with all of it but I do support the general concepts.

To sum it all up... on a first day with me... and for many days thereafter... you might as well know... I'm going to Tweet.  I'll probably tweet about you and what we are doing.   I will "check in" on at least one Geo Location app (maybe more).  So you better be on your best behavior because my online community is watching you!